It seems like all traders, including those that have survived long enough to become consistently profitable, have been traumatized in one way or another. Trading sure can be a mentally brutal business. I'm not consistently profitable yet, but I'd be the first to admit that I've had my fair share of traumatic moments. I assume those voices I hear are permanent scars from those highly charged and emotional moments.
It's similar to a pro athlete -- it's highly likely they will be injured at one point or another in their career. The lucky few will recover quickly with minimal to no side effects. Most will have some level of permanent physical damage that will impact their game (and life) to some degree. And for the unfortunate, the injury will be career ending. It's all a risk of playing the game.
Thankfully, my risk management over the past 6 months has been good enough to keep me in the game while I continue up the steep learning curve. Sure, I've had "injuries" along the way, but it hasn't been career ending. However, I will forever have some lingering after effects -- like those voices I hear.
Today was a day where those voices were a little louder than the past couple weeks. I've experienced some disbelief in how well I've done trading the system from Diamondsetups.com and Renato's chatroom over the past 2 weeks, and try to constantly temper it with reminders that it's all executed on SIM. It's not real money yet, it's just a fantasy.
The market conditions over the past couple days seems to have been a little choppier or more difficult to read and trade. It's likely just me distorted perception. Since my performance both yesterday and today were not as impressive as some of the other days, I feel as though I am slipping. Both days have been net profitable, but I wonder, am I fooling myself? When will this all come crashing down?
Then I look at my numbers today and realize that we can only take from the markets what the markets will give us. And today just wasn't the day to hit it out of the park, or even have an upward trending P&L chart. Thankfully, I ended the day profitable, and my final P&L did not reflect how less than stellar I felt at the end of the day.
Friday, October 21
Total gross profits: $187.50
Total trades: 8
Contracts per trade: 2
NOTES: Treading water all day long. Could not gain traction on any series of trades. Missed a few good trades, and took a rogue one.
Well, the bottom line is that I did NOT crash and burn today. I can't help but recall the title of the book, "Only the Paranoid Survive", so maybe all this mental chatter is OK. And I just can't wait until Monday so that I can once again prove the voices wrong...