Well it looks like the ugly gremlins from my big owie day last week ended up coming back today. And this time, they brought reinforcements. It resulted in a day worthy of this:
countless articles from others regarding overtrading, revenge trading,
going on tilt, lack of discipline, [insert ways to self-destruct here],
etc. And like many other developing traders that eventually become
consistently profitable, it looks like the rocky path is what I must
also endure while working through my challenges before it all finally hits
home, or until I run out of money.
I was fully aware that I was not in the right frame of mind from the
onset of today, but I took this as yet an additional challenge to face
-- as if successful trading itself isn't enough already! In the morning
session, I was doing well given the circumstances, scratching instead of being slightly profitable due to some missed opportunities.
But I was generally following the rules.
When the markets shot up after lunch stopping me out of a short
position, that triggered my tilt. I noted to myself that the trend had
changed, and that I shouldn't fight the trend -- it uses up your emotional capital, so I should only look to be buying. However, when
your thoughts don't sink into your actionable consciousness, and you also combine that with fatigue, it's a real death spiral in the
Emotionless Trading - The Wrong Way
Whether it was partially due to the fatigue, I experienced little in
terms of heightened emotions. It was just a matter of getting back up mindlessly
after getting stopped out. A zombie with a mission. For those who have raised children, it's a
similar feeling to being awoken in the middle of the night countless
times to sooth a crying baby...night after night after night....until you're so numb, you're in a state of autopilot.
To SIM, or Not To SIM -- Revisited
My account is now down net 15% in a span of less than a week. Red flags are waving everywhere.
So the big question now is whether I need to go back to SIM. I'm leaning
towards it. However, here's the quirk -- I have reason to believe that I
respect the SIM account more than the live account. Huh? Yes, for
whatever reason, it's easier for me to trade the live account with less
discipline vs. the SIM account. I have no reason why, but maybe it's
some deep seeded programming bug deep within my brain that only a voodoo doctor can remove.
Therefore, going back to a SIM account might only result in a false
sense of confidence once again, only to see me fall off the tracks once I
go back to trading a live account. But then again, trading a SIM account will not
results in losses to my real capital (nor will there be actual gains).
Best for me to just sleep on it, and decide in the morning on a clear and hopefully well rested
Patience and Discipline
Renato has made countless comments that it takes discipline and patience
of following your trading rules to become a successful trader. On
days like this, I know I have failed on both counts. I feel as though he's speaking directly
to me, the guilty party, although I know it applies to everyone.
I still strongly believe that I can make it as a trader. Whether it's
futures, stocks, or forex, it's clear that when I follow the rules, the
profits are there. Simple as that. So what is keeping me from
achieving consistency? My mind. Similar to how athletes or others in
various performance fields have coaches, perhaps I need to consider
working with a trading psychologist. I'm sure it's not cheap, but then
again, the losses I'm currently enduring ain't pocket change, either!
Defeated and feeling the pain today, but I'll be back at the game tomorrow -- everything starts new again and the score is back to 0. There's nothing else I'd rather be doing.
Monday, November 7
Total gross profits: -1,612.50
Total trades: 22
Contracts per trade: 2
NOTES: Uhhhh...WTF just happened?