Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My mom just passed away - what I learned from her

The focus of this blog has been on trading, but the trials and tribulations of a trader frequently include influences from the non-trading side of life that are rarely mentioned.  Maybe it's too personal?  Maybe it comes across as weakness?  But if it impacts your trading, aren't they relevant, and perhaps they should be addressed?

My mother passed away on Monday after battling lung cancer for over 3 years.  I would be lying if I said that her condition never had any impact on my trading.  However, now that she has passed on and is at peace, it's time for a new chapter.  Time to reflect on what I learned from my mom -- to make me a better person, in all aspects of life, both trading and non-trading.

Being at her bedside, there were a few themes that kept running through my mind:

Never stop fighting -- My mom always said of her cancer, "I'm going to fight this!  I will not lose!  I'm not going to let this beat me!  I not dying anytime soon!"  Perhaps she passed on some of her traits to me, because even when I'm down big for the day, I always believe that I can recover and end the day with a scratch or even be profitable.  That goes for any other adverse situations that come up in life.  My mom had a much tougher battle -- it was to save her life.  And boy did she fight hard, truly an inspiration.  Her mental toughness was amazing.  She was a fighter until the very end.

Don't feel sorry for yourself
-- She never smoked, but she got lung cancer.  Never did I hear her say or even imply, "Why me?"  Whether it's a 3 point slippage on a trade, a bad month of losses, or you found out you had some health condition you never expected, don't feel pity on yourself.  Accept the situation, figure out what you're going to do about it, and move forward.  Up until a month ago, you couldn't even tell she had stage 4 lung cancer.  My mom accomplished so much in the 3 years since she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I am so proud of her.

Be there for your family -- My mom's commitment to her family was unwavering and unquestionable.  She was always there for her family.  Always.  No amount of money will create the bonds and love of a strong family.  There is no trade or investment that can generate a bigger return than what you make into your family.  Your money will NOT be at your deathbed, holding your hands, saying "I love you."  Invest the time and love into your family, and I guarantee they will be there for you.  It's one of the few sure bets in life.

I'm sure as the loss of my mother continue to sink in over time, I'll continue to learn even more from her.  As much as I miss her terribly, I take comfort knowing that memories of her will always be with me.  And she will always be in my heart.  Those can never be taken away.


Tomross58 said...

Hey Grove,,,sitting here on kind of a boring day I thought I would check to see how you are doing. As I read your post I am saddened by the news on the loss of your Mom. I too lost my Mom a few years ago and can understand your feelings. I wish you well during these most difficult times and my prayers go out to you and your family. I hope to see you soon. Your Friend


Anonymous said...

Grove, My condolences to you and your family. I know its very painful now,just take it one day at a time. Your friend, Hector

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. My prayers are with you and your family. We look forward to seeing you back in the room.


mct said...

Grove, my thoughts are with you. I know how tough it is to go through seeing a parent battle cancer. Sounds like she lived her life well even through that battle. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on her.

Rocky Marciano said...

Hey Grove....!!

Quite crushed to hear the sad news of ur mom's passing on. It's quite an irreplaceable loss, which I can't even imagine, how I would cope with. However, you can take comfort from the fact that you have her memories, and cherish those wonderful memories and become better and stronger at everything u do in life.

God bless and your family. My prayers are with y'all.

I already know that you are a fighter...and i know u will come back stronger, better in life and at trading.

I hope to see you soon!


Jose Blanco said...

My condolences, Grove.

Keep fighting for your dreams, she would be proud.

jblanco, one of your diamond friends.

Anonymous said...

Grove - take care of yourself and your family. Very sorry to hear of your loss. If you need anything, you know where to reach me.

Your scalping friend,

Grove Under said...


Thanks so much for the kind words, very touched. I'll be back soon, and looking forward to getting back on the DS bandwagon!

Liam said...

Hi Grove,

Not much more I can add to what people have said but I also offer my condolences. You appear to have taken positives from the situation and this will help a lot.

Be strong.


Anonymous said...

Grove my thoughts and prayers are with you in this most difficuit time .